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Musings of an Energy Nerd

The Energy Grinch

The Energy Nerd's fourth annual Christmas parody

Image Credit: WBTV

With apologies to Dr. Seuss

Every Who

Down in Who-ville

Loves the Energy Fair

When Whos get together

To vie and compare

Their energy use — their utility charges —

To see whose is smaller, Milton’s or Marge’s.

To win the grand prize (a bouquet of flowers)

A Who has to limit his kilowatt hours.

The Grinch who resided just north of the valley,

Burned tank-loads of gas — What an energy tally!

The Grinch hated saving! He shouted, “Who cares!

Global warming is good! I hate Energy Fairs!”

He hated the contest; he hated the season!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason — his heart or his shoes —

He just hated the Fair and all of the Whos.

He looked down from his cave with a sourpuss frown

At the triple-glazed windows below in their town,

And despised every Who down in Who-ville below

With their dual-flush toilets (all super-low-flow).

“They’re swapping their light bulbs!” he said with a sneer.

“Tomorrow is Fair Day! I hate that it’s here!

“Conservation is bad!” he exclaimed with a sigh,

“I must find a way to keep energy bills high!”

If a load isn’t needed, a Who pulls the plug.

To the Grinch, though, these Whos all appeared to be smug.

They limit their driving — they bike off to work,

With a smile that looks to the…

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  1. Albert Rooks | | #1

    Okay, too many good lines...
    But the faves have to be:

    - "all dreaming of energy retrofits deep."
    - "the coal-burner lied".

    Thank goodness for simple pleasures and a good sense of humor.

  2. Lucas Durand - 7A | | #2

    "all dreaming of energy retrofits deep." was my favorite line too.

  3. Rachel Wagner | | #3

    my favorite yet!!!!!
    For those of use who know Dr. Seuss way better than Shakespeare ... I thank you. Thank you. We will toast you this holiday as we eat our roast beast.

  4. GBA Editor
    Patrick McCombe | | #4

    Nicely done, Martin
    My favorite:
    "And then, coming down through the hatch with his basket,
    He stopped at the trap door to pull off the gasket."

  5. J Chesnut | | #5

    I enjoyed this very much. I think your blog overall is a great contribution not only for its content but also for the attention paid to its presentation in writing. Merry Christmas.

  6. JoeW N GA Zone 3A | | #6

    I plan to read it outloud
    ... to my energy comatose family over the phone on Christmas Eve! I was wondering what I could do to further cement my legendary status as the Xmas grinch!

  7. Lucas Durand - 7A | | #7

    Fellow "grinch"...
    That's a great idea.
    I might do the same thing...
    And I'll be sure not give them any hints as to the nature of the poem before hand.

  8. Gavin Farrell | | #8

    Again, wonderful work. This Energy Nerd has some artful talent and good humor!

  9. Kim Shanahan | | #9

    Cancel the curmudgeon
    Just when I was beginning to think you needed to wrest the curmudgeon crown from Carl, you come up with a ditty to warm my heart and make me laugh so hard my belly shook like a bowl full of jelly.

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