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Musings of an Energy Nerd

The Energy Grinch

The Energy Nerd's fourth annual Christmas parody

Image Credit: WBTV

With apologies to Dr. Seuss

Every Who

Down in Who-ville

Loves the Energy Fair

When Whos get together

To vie and compare

Their energy use — their utility charges —

To see whose is smaller, Milton’s or Marge’s.

To win the grand prize (a bouquet of flowers)

A Who has to limit his kilowatt hours.

The Grinch who resided just north of the valley,

Burned tank-loads of gas — What an energy tally!

The Grinch hated saving! He shouted, “Who cares!

Global warming is good! I hate Energy Fairs!”

He hated the contest; he hated the season!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

OTHER PARODIES

2014 Parody: The Raven

2013 Parody: Casey Makes a Bet

2011 Parody: Macbeth

2010 Parody: Christmas Carols

2009 Parody: ’Twas the Night Before Christmas

It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason — his heart or his shoes —

He just hated the Fair and all of the Whos.

He looked down from his cave with a sourpuss frown

At the triple-glazed windows below in their town,

And despised every Who down in Who-ville below

With their dual-flush toilets (all super-low-flow).

“They’re swapping their light bulbs!” he said with a sneer.

“Tomorrow is Fair Day! I hate that it’s here!

“Conservation is bad!” he exclaimed with a sigh,

“I must find a way to keep energy bills high!”

If a load isn’t needed, a Who pulls the plug.

To the Grinch, though, these Whos all appeared to be smug.

They limit their driving — they bike off to work,

With a smile that looks to the…

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9 Comments

  1. User avater
    Albert Rooks | | #1

    Okay, too many good lines...
    But the faves have to be:

    - "all dreaming of energy retrofits deep."
    - "the coal-burner lied".

    Thank goodness for simple pleasures and a good sense of humor.

  2. Lucas Durand - 7A | | #2

    Seconded
    Albert,
    "all dreaming of energy retrofits deep." was my favorite line too.

  3. Rachel Wagner | | #3

    my favorite yet!!!!!
    For those of use who know Dr. Seuss way better than Shakespeare ... I thank you. Thank you. We will toast you this holiday as we eat our roast beast.

  4. User avater GBA Editor
    Patrick McCombe | | #4

    Nicely done, Martin
    My favorite:
    "And then, coming down through the hatch with his basket,
    He stopped at the trap door to pull off the gasket."

  5. J Chesnut | | #5

    Impressive
    I enjoyed this very much. I think your blog overall is a great contribution not only for its content but also for the attention paid to its presentation in writing. Merry Christmas.

  6. JoeW N GA Zone 3A | | #6

    I plan to read it outloud
    ... to my energy comatose family over the phone on Christmas Eve! I was wondering what I could do to further cement my legendary status as the Xmas grinch!

  7. Lucas Durand - 7A | | #7

    Fellow "grinch"...
    JoeW,
    That's a great idea.
    I might do the same thing...
    And I'll be sure not give them any hints as to the nature of the poem before hand.

  8. Gavin Farrell | | #8

    Brilliant!
    Again, wonderful work. This Energy Nerd has some artful talent and good humor!

  9. Kim Shanahan | | #9

    Cancel the curmudgeon
    Just when I was beginning to think you needed to wrest the curmudgeon crown from Carl, you come up with a ditty to warm my heart and make me laugh so hard my belly shook like a bowl full of jelly.

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