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Musings of an Energy Nerd

The Third Annual Christmas Parody

Macbeth the Builder: a play in three acts


Act 1, scene 1. An empty lot near Scotland Drive.

Thunder and lightning. Enter three sisters, all RESNET-certified.

First rater:

When shall we three meet again,

In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

Second rater:

When the drywall work is done,

When the zoning battle’s won.

Third rater:

The lawyers sure are having fun!

First rater:

What’s the sign?

Second rater:

A Christmas wreath.

Third rater:

We shall meet there with Macbeth.

First rater:

Where hast thou been, sister?

Second rater:

Smashing recessed cans.

First rater:

Look what I have.

Second rater:

Show me, show me.

First rater:

Here I have a thermostat,

With wi-fi, girls. This stat can chat.

Drum within

Third rater:

A drum, a drum! Macbeth doth come.

Enter Macbeth and Banquo


So foul and fair a day I have not seen.


Who are these workers,

So withered and so wild in their attire?


Speak, if you can: what are you?

First rater:

All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, ranch home developer!

Second rater:

All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, Energy Star builder!

Third rater:

All hail, Macbeth! Thou shalt build a Passivhaus!


[To Macbeth]: Good sir, why do you start; and seem to fear

Things that do sound so fair?

[To the three sisters:] Strange women,

You greet my friend with several great predictions

Of rising skills and energy performance,

Foreseeing that he’ll build much tighter homes:

Point six air changes at 50 Pascals!

Could this be true? Forsooth, his homes are junk.

He seems befuddled now. Foretell some more:

If you can look into the seeds of time,

And say which grain will grow and which will not,

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  1. Scorched Earth, 3B | | #1

    Iambic pentameter, even.
    Iambic pentameter, even. Impressive! And a little disturbing.

  2. Gavin Farrell | | #2

    Well done.
    This is possibly one of the greatest things I've ever read. Thanks for the laughs!

  3. Dan Kolbert | | #3

    Glad the PV was working enough for you to upload this.

  4. User avater
    James Morgan | | #4

    Stage production pending? Broadway beckons.
    I've waited to read this gem until the quiet of a Sunday morning when I could truly savor and enjoy it. Bravo Martin! Truly thou art a great wit and a poet indeed!

  5. User avater
    Michael Chandler | | #5

    "Double, double, toil and trouble;
    Caulk shall seal, and spray foam bubble"

    Big smile here! A master work indeed!

  6. Michael Anschel | | #6

    This may be your finest work to date! Absolutely loved it.

  7. User avater GBA Editor
    Martin Holladay | | #7

    Merry Christmas, all!
    Thanks for the feedback -- glad you enjoyed it. A happy holiday season to all.

  8. Douglas Horgan | | #8

    Holy Cow!
    That was truly amazing! Happy holidays Martin!

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